World's Oldest Woman Says She Got There by Being Super Boring

116-year-old Besse Cooper celebrated another

birthday as the world's oldest living person today.

Cooper is a Virgo, which means she is analytical,

precise, and reliable, though she may also come

across as fussy and inflexible. She would get along

very well with Jessica Alba, a Taurus, and Henri

Matisse, a Capricorn. A good occupation for her would

be institutional worker (particularly mental hospitals

and prisons)

, though now that she is extremely old the best

occupation for her would probably be nothing.

Guinness World Records reports that Cooper is one of

only eight documented "supercentenarians" to have

reached the age of 116. The oldest person known to

have ever lived is Methuselah (no last name given),

who died at age 969, followed by Frenchwoman

Jeanne Calment who died at age 122.

When a super old person is asked how they managed

to live so long, they typically give a fun, sassy answer

like, "I eat jellybeans and fried chicken every day!"

or, "Once a month I hunt a human for sport."

Unfortunately, Besse seems to have reached 116 by

being totally boring.

"I mind my own business and I don't eat junk

food."

By refusing to sully her lips with gossip, Cooper is

cheating the world out of 100 years of secrets. What

did Grover Cleveland smell like? Was Lizzie Borden

fun at parties? Were people smaller back then? Etc.

Besse was Born in Tennessee in 1896 and married

her husband Luther in 1924.

In honor of her birthday, a bridge in the Georgia

County where she has lived since the 1920s was

named for her.

From Gawker.com